Beloved’s Deadly Margaritas

MargaritaLast year, I posted a little nothing something about our plans for Cinco de Mayo.  Actually, it was Quatro de Mayo since the 5th fell on a Monday.  In the comments section of that post, Beloved wrote his recipe for margaritas.

Since Cinco de Mayo falls on a Tuesday this year and many people will do their partying on the weekend, and a recipe posted in the comments is really rather wasted, I thought I’d take this opportunity to give it its own post.  While there are many stories about who invented the margarita and why, it is generally accepted that a woman named Margaret Sames created the drink for her bar in Acapulco first in 1948.  Knowing that most people drank tequila preceded by a lick of salt, she chose to garnish her cocktail with a rim of coarse salt.

Whether or not any of this is true is uncertain, but this is her recipe and is generally accepted as THE way to make a true margarita.  No sweet and sour mix, no machine to make it an alcoholic Slurpee, and no triple sec.

Just a warning – these things are very potent and if you use a very high quality of tequila (we like Patron Silver) they are very smooth and will sneak up on you – it’s easy to drink 2 or 3 without realizing what you’re doing to yourself.  So be forewarned:  after you’ve had one, you’re apt to parade around wearing a lampshade on your head – after two you are in danger of passing out on the floor, and after three you should probably have your stomach pumped to avoid alcohol poisoning.

But my, are they tasty.

Margarita

serves one brave soul

1 part freshly squeezed lime juice

1 part Cointreau

3 parts good silver tequila

In this instance, a “part” is a standard 1 1/2 ounce shot.  Mix and serve over rocks – salt your glass to your preference.

We’re Nude, Dude

Fortune Cookie

I was going to post something personal and serious for this week’s Spin Cycle, but it just wasn’t coming out the way I wanted it to.  It’s often hard to find the right words when being introspective – at least for me.  But since the subject for this go-round is “mistakes” I think the following fits in quite neatly.

Because if there was ever a mistake in the making, this is IT.

Beloved and I were having a discussion recently about what we’d do if we ever won the lottery (since we never play the lottery, this is purely speculation on our part).  Beloved pointed out that most people who win very large amounts of money are usually broke again within five years.  I, for one, cannot fathom how someone can win a $112,000,000 PowerBall and blow it all in five years, but Beloved claims it’s true – most people either fall prey to professional beggars masquerading as charities, friends, family and vague acquaintances with eternally outstretched hands, and/or blow it on the totally unnecessary and absurd.

And it would seem that he is correct, for a man in Florida recently won over three million dollars in the lottery…and is using his winnings to open a nude dude ranch.

While Mr. Tim Clements grapples with unfriendly zoning laws – apparently, nudity is an issue in his particular county (it must make bathing interesting) – and has announced that the one caveat of his new venture is that everyone “must wear pants and boots to ride the horses”, that doesn’t even BEGIN to cover my questions about such a business.

Mr. Clements, have you ever been on a hayride?  Yes?  Had much trouble getting all that hay out of the hair on your head?  You see where I’m going with this, yes?  And we won’t even go into what I’m sure is a discomfort factor of at least an 8 on a scale from 1 to 10 when sitting on dry hay with your bare behind.  And I’m willing to bet nude backpacking, even with the foresight of hiking boots, also presents its own unique set of challenges, to say nothing of a nude gathering around a campfire.

I just want to be there to see the reactions of your male guests when you bring out the sharp sticks  and announce the nude weenie roast.

I guess my point, Mr. Clements – without detailing the potential liability you’ll face after you’ve had half a dozen guests sitting naked in an aluminum canoe for a couple of hours – is that while I whole-heartedly endorse nudity, especially among consenting adults, there are just some activities that are best – and most safely – performed while fully clothed.

Don’t believe me?  Try ironing the laundry nekkid.

What?  No, I don’t have any personal experience with that.  Why do you ask?  No, that is not a burn scar on my abdomen.  It’s a birthmark.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

RTT: Perspiration and Pandemics

Random Tueday Thoughts

Ben and Jerry’s Peach Cobbler ice cream, while pretty good, is not as good as their Strawberry Cheesecake or Oatmeal Cookie Dough.  None of them are as good as their Brownie Batter ice cream.  And no ice cream is a as good as Blue Bell Homemade Vanilla.  Which I miss.

A lot.

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Am I the only person out there who is just tickled to death that I managed to get one of the Limited Edition Star Trek Titanium Sporks before they sold out?  Am I the only person out there who doesn’t care if Susan Boyle got her eyebrows waxed?   Am I the only person out there who knows about either of these things?

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We’ve had an uncommon run of weather for northeast Ohio in April over the last several days – mostly sunny and in the 80s, temperatures and conditions usually not seen here until late July or early August.  And while there was a time I’d have ridiculed someone complaining of the heat in such weather, well…it’s been effing hot.  Especially in our offices, where the air conditioning is out and the windows don’t open.

Fortunately, there is a cold front moving in today and it won’t get any warmer than the upper 60s, but as I write this on Monday afternoon, I fear I may have melted away into a puddle before then.  So, if you don’t hear from me after today, please send someone over with a mop.

Oh, and if you’re able to reconstitute me in some way?  Please leave the better part of my hips and ass where you found them, if you’d be so kind.  My drawers cup truly runneth over in those particular areas.

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When Beloved called me from his layover in Detroit last night, he said there were quite a few people wearing surgical masks roaming about the airport.  Now why did he do that?  Why, when I attempt to soothe myself by pointing out that there is nothing to really signify the beginning of a swine flu pandemic, does he have to cheerfully announce, “Oh, we’re due for another pandemic.  I’ve got a book over on the shelves about the one at the turn of the 20th century – you really ought to read it.”

I declined (actually, I think my exact words were, “I don’t fucking think so”), and he replied, “Oh…it’s like THAT is it?”

Excuse me dear, you know I love you to death, but yes, it is like that.  If I read that book, you’re going to come home to a subterranean fallout shelter housing me, The Young One, the dog, the fish and enough supplies to sustain a small, third world country for roughly five years, none of which will contain pork. In fact, don’t be surprised to find Oldest Son, Darling Daughter, Jolly and Miss Jacki there as well.

None of us will come out and we’ll take a vote on whether we let you in.  So just wear this germ-proof suit and humor me, okay?

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For more Random Tuesday Thoughts, visit The Un-Mom.

7 Layer Dip

7 Layer DipHappy Monday, O Great Bloggy Friends.

The weekend was…stressful?  Yes, stressful.  And today has potential to be every bit as stressful – that work-related crisis lingers,  today begins the yearly standardized testing in Ohio schools and Beloved is out of town yet again for the entire week on business.  But I am going to try and rise above it all and make a feeble attempt to retain my serenity.  All of the grown offspring are gainfully employed, Jolly’s pregnancy is progressing normally, Miss Jacki and The Young One are doing well in school, no one is in jail and the dog hasn’t thrown up on the carpet in at least two weeks.

It’s always important to look on the bright side of things, you know.

So, in keeping with my promise for Mexican inspired recipes for Cinc de Mayo, I give you 7 Layer Dip.  Okay, so this isn’t really Mexican, or even Tex-Mex, but it is definitely a reasonable facimile – and also very, very  good.  Shove a dish of this in front of your guests, along with copious amounts of tortilla chips, Fritos Scoops and ice cold beer and your party is guaranteed to be a rip-roaring success.

And if you’re lucky, the ripping and roaring won’t take place until after everyone’s gone home.

7 Layer Dip

serves one Cinco de Mayo party

1 recipe of guacamole

1 cup sour cream

1/2 cup mayonnaise

1 package taco seasoning mix

2 1/2 cups prepared bean dip, plain or jalapeno

1 cup thinly sliced green onions

3 ripe tomatoes, seeded and diced

7 ounce can ripe (black) olives, sliced

8 ounces shredded sharp cheddar cheese

In a small bowl, combine the sour cream, mayonnaise, and taco seasoning.

To assemble, spread layers in the following order on a large, shallow platter or dish:

– Bean dip

– Guacamole

– Seasoned sour cream mixture

– Sliced green onions

– Diced tomatoes

– Sliced olives

– Shredded cheese

May be made in advance and refrigerated, tightly covered.

Guacamole

GuacamoleWell.

I was going to do something rather fun (if necessary) today, but that work-related crisis I told you about yesterday?

Yeah, it’s still here.

I’d do my Charleton Heston impression and fall to my knees while wailing, “Damn them!  Damn them all to Hell!” but it just wouldn’t have the same effect, since I lack a ruin of the Statue of Liberty, to say nothing of a beach.

So.

It occurred to me today in my desperate attempt to find something to blog about that would distract me from the work-related crisis that Cinco de Mayo is just around the corner.  Then it occurred to me that I have a lot of Mexican inspired recipes, because I’m from Texas and am required to love Mexican food.  So, between now and Cinco de Mayo I will post nothing but Mexican and Tex-Mex recipes.  Well, when I post recipes…I won’t post them every day.

You get my drift.  Right?

And we’ll start off with Guacamole.  The recipe I’m giving you is based on the recipe from Diana Kennedy‘s The Cuisines of Mexico, and it is simply delicious – the best guacamole you will ever eat.  If you do not have a molcajete (I do and I love it), blend the base ingredients well in a blender or food processor and mash the avocados roughly into it.  Always serve guacamole immediately once it is made, as Mrs. Kennedy instructs:

“This is such a beautful concoction, pale green flecked with the red of the tomato pieces and the darker green of the [cilantro]…It is so delicate that it is best eaten the moment it is made.  There are many suggestions about keeping it – leaving the pit in, adding  a little lime juice, not adding the salt until last, putting it in an airtight contianer.  They all help a little, but in no time at all that delicate green has aged.”

Guacamole

serves very few in my house

2 tablespoons finely chopped fresh cilantro

1 1/2 tablespoons finely chopped white onion

2 or 3 Serrano chilies, finely chopped (seed beforehand if you don’t like it too spicy)

1 teaspoon salt, or to taste

2 large ripe Haas avocados

1/2 cup finely chopped, unskinned ripe tomatoes

Garnish

Scant 1/4 cup chopped tomato

2 tablespoons finely chopped white onion

1 1/2 tablespoons roughly chopped fresh cilantro

In a molcajete (or mortar and pestle), crush the cilantro, onion, chilies and salt together and grind to a paste.

Cut the avocados in half, remove the pits and scoop out the flesh with a spoon.  Mash the flesh roughly into the base mixture.  Stir in the chopped tomato.

Sprinkle with the remaining 1/4 cup tomato, onion and cilantro and serve immediately.