Eat Mor Toona

I have to admit – I’ve been amused and bemused by the brouhaha over the whole Jim Henson Co./Chick-Fil-A thing.

Don’t get me wrong:  I absolutely, positively support same sex marriage 1000%.  I see no reason why gays shouldn’t have the opportunity to meet the wrong person, marry them despite the warnings of family and friends, spend years being miserable, pay a blood-sucking divorce lawyer thousands of dollars, spend more years trying to squeeze child-support out of a deadbeat non-custodial parent and complain bitterly about their ex to their family, friends, coworkers and that weird lady at the corner liquor store just like everyone else.

I also admire and support the Jim Henson Company’s decision to end their business partnership with the Atlanta-based Chick-Fil-A – bully for them.  But I also feel a little sorry for the people who are very likely stuck in the middle:  the owner/operators of the Chick-Fil-A franchises.

Like McDonalds, the majority of Chick-Fil-A restaurants are owned and operated by individuals with a franchise license, not the corporation.  I can’t help but wonder how many of these were some poor schlep with $5,000 who thought that owning a fast food restaurant sounded like a great idea, but still wanted Sundays off.  I can’t help but wonder how many of those infamous signs about the toy recall were posted by someone too embarrassed to say, “I’m sorry you can’t get a Muppet toy here any longer, but I’m an idiot who chose to do business with an intolerant asswipe and there’s nothing I can do about it now if I don’t want to file for bankruptcy next month.”

But more than any of this, I have one question for those who have chosen to boycott Chick-Fil-A due to their stance on same-sex marriage:

What the blue hell are you doing eating there in the first place?!?!?  Don’t you know that shit will KILL YOU?  If you’re that set on cheap, fast and easy, go home and eat some tuna salad.


This is all very tongue-in-cheek, of course.  I do support same-sex marriage and feel nothing but pain and sorrow for Sally Ride’s partner of 30 years, who will not receive her federal benefits because of the Defense of Marriage Act.

13 thoughts on “Eat Mor Toona”

  1. Love your rant. But let’s be honest: ANYONE who eats or goes to work there, let alone buys a Franchise, that doesn’t know the “philosophy” of Chik-Fil-A doesn’t get much pity from me. There are signs all over the stores.

    1. Well, to be fair to those who have Chick-Fil-A franchises, the official stance on why they’re closed on Sunday’s is this, and what the signs in their restaurants say:

      “Our founder, Truett Cathy, made the decision to close on Sunday in 1946 when he opened his first restaurant in Hapeville, Georgia. He has often shared that his decision was as much practical as spiritual. He believes that all franchised Chick-fil-A Operators and their employees should have an opportunity to rest, relax, spend time with family and friends, and worship if they choose to do so. That’s why all Chick-fil-A Restaurants are closed on Sunday.”

      It gives the impression that they don’t give a damn what you do on Sunday – you could light black candles and sacrifice baby goats on your back porch for all they care. And to be honest, we do business every day with people whom we disagree with on matters of religion, politics and lifestyle – not everyone can necessarily afford to cease to do business with someone because they disagree with them on a non-business issue (from what I could see, the COO of Chick-Fil-A never said they have ever refused to employ or sell a franchise to a gay or lesbian).

      1. Well, let’s put this in context: Chick-fil-A’s corporate mission, as stated on a plaque at company headquarters (and by Cathy), is to “glorify God.”

        Come on, the Christian based values of the company are well known and if you believe Forbes they wouldn’t sell you a Franchise at any price if you told them it was your intention to “sacrifice baby goats on your back porch” every Sunday.

  2. I love this whole post and the discussion that follows between you and Be. But why don’t you shop at Walmart? Even I, an over-the-hill bleeding heart, sometimes cross that sleazy threshold. I know it’s morally lax, but sometimes convenience wins, and anyhow, I feel a little frisson of guilty pleasure at having stepped outside the boundary of doctrinal conformity.

    1. Anne, actually we do go into Walmart once in a blue moon; mostly in times of dire need, such as when the local grocery store was out of Ball jars and we had half a bushel of green beans to can that afternoon, or when The Young One realized he left his graphing calculator at school and it was 7:45 on a Saturday morning and he was taking the ACT at 8 a.m.

      But as for the why, there are a couple of reasons, and one is their cult-like employment environment. Employees receive a great deal of corporate indoctrination and in Bentonville, where the corporate headquarters are located, Walmart employees are actively discouraged from socializing, both during and after working hours, with anyone who is not employed by Walmart. Then there’s the whole matter of their shady, and often out-and-out shameful, business practices.

      The other reason is we’re a small, local business whose clients are all small, local businesses so we tend to support other small, local businesses out of general principal.

  3. Ok, I’ll be the first to admitt that we used Chick fila as a treat after skating. The one by our house is clean and friendly. They’ll give the kids an ice cream instead of a toy and are always sponsoring some sort of a local fundraiser. And I was even down with them having Christian values. It’s not like they refused anyone service. However, when you jump into the political fray and put your business behind your personal values, then I have to support you or not based on those values. And in this case it’s not. Damn, I’ll miss those shakes.

    1. Back in the day, I was much more inclined to go to Chick-Fil-A for breakfast than McDonald’s – I was quite fond of their chicken biscuit, adorned with some of that Polynesian sauce. And despite what my intelligent and business-savvy Better Half (and Forbes magazine) may say, I still feel sorry for the franchisees – even if they agree wholeheartedly with the corporate stance in the matter (and if Forbes is to be believed, they do), they didn’t choose this fight – it was thrust upon them.

  4. I think we got our first Chick Fil A here this last year. I’ve never been there …. and have had no plans on going even before the recent publicity.
    I’m so sick of intolerant ass wipes …

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