He May Be Retarded, But He’s Mine


To anyone who doesn’t already know, this is Scooter, a beagle/dachshund mix, and he is the subject of this week’s Spin Cycle.  Why?  Because the subject is pets and the kids resent being referred to as “pets” he’s far more blog-worthy than the fish.

I’ve been anti-cat all of my life, but that’s probably because I’m allergic to them – if I get too close to one, my face swells up until I look like a Cabbage Patch Kid that’s taken a bad beating.  Eyesight and breathing through my nose become an impossibility until you take the horrible beast away and the Benadryl kicks in.

While I’m not anti-dog per se, Beloved and I, long before we ever became husband and wife, decided we didn’t want any pets. Period. We had more than enough kids, thank you very much – what the heck did we need with something that wouldn’t be able to exploit us in our old age?

However, in the Spring of 2003, Miss Jacki brought Scooter home and made it clear that if we didn’t let her keep him, she would go throw herself under the wheels of the nearest garbage truck next trash day and we’d all be sorry then.  The fact that the rest of the kids were “oohing” and “ahhing” and making a huge fuss over him didn’t help matters a bit, and before we knew it we’d been railroaded into giving room and board to a six-month-old, ten-pound set of teeth.

Because HE. CHEWED. EVERYTHING.  Shoes.  Garbage cans.  Furniture.  Ankles.  If it weren’t for the fact that he came to us house trained, I have a sneaking suspicion we’d have spent the next several weeks warning the Department of Sanitation to be on the lookout for a desperate and dogless 11-year-old.  But, time passed and he outgrew his desire to chew everything he could get his grubby little paws on.  He’s probably not as well-trained as he should be – he barks at everything that passes in front of the house (for some reason, bicycles particularly seem to bother him) and he will try to jump on people when they come into the house, although since he weighs all of 16 pounds this isn’t as much of an issue as it would be if he were, say, a Saint Bernard.  He has the disgusting habit of dragging his butt across the carpet, then licking it (the carpet),  and he is forever getting his lead tangled on things when he’s outside without us (as The Young One said, “Geez – even the hamster could figure out how to get loose!”).  But his love and adoration for all of us is so obvious that we can’t help but love him back.

I noticed a little grey on his muzzle and belly the other day, and it made me realize that he will be 7 years old sometime this fall.  Since the life expectancy of a beagle is just over 13 years, and the life expectancy of a dachshund is just over 12, this makes Scooter middle aged – if he lives another 7 years, he will be a very old doggie indeed.  It then occurred to me that those seven years will pass much more quickly than I want them to, and I’ll be facing the rest of my life Scooterless.

I was more than a little surprised to find myself on the verge of tears.  I guess I’ve just gotten used to the little bugger.

23 thoughts on “He May Be Retarded, But He’s Mine”

  1. MHS and I have a pact that we will never do pets again but when I think of losing them I just can’t stand it and can’t imagine not having a little doggy face to greet me every morning.

    Scooter is sooooo cute. Even with the grey muzzle. Why can’t I look cuter with grey hair!

    Smart Mouth Broads last blog post..THE MOMENT OF TRUTH

  2. The puppy years can be very hard on a home with those sharp little teeth…. We have rottweilers, and one ate an entire corner off a coffee table once in his puppy years.. HE almost did not survive those years considering all the repairs it caused Hubby to have to make.

    The Blue Ridge Gal
    (also anti-cat)

    Dis last blog post..Saturday At Ikenberry’s

  3. Oh, he’s so cute! I can see both breeds. I never understood about the whole licking the carpet thing, but our old beagle Daisy used to lick the carpet too. Fiber, maybe? My beagle Blue is a purebreed, 9 years old in June, and has epilepsy, a fatty deposit growing out of her right side, and dumb as a pole. But she’s SO affectionate and lets Sprite get away with torture that Harry is too smart to stay close for, so we’ll love her until the end. Great Spin and cuter Scooter! You’re linked!

  4. Scooter is precious. I can see why you love his little face. Whatever you do, don’t watch the movie “My Dog, Skip.” It made me realize that Hannah won’t be around forever, and by the end of the flick, I was HEAVING…I was that upset, y’all.

  5. Nawww he sounds great. I used to be anti-dog and anti-cat. Now I’m on the fence. Both fences. I’ve now known some adorable dogs and some great cats.

  6. Ahh…see at our house it is not the dog that rubs his butt on the carpet….over here it is the 20 pound cat. However…the dog rushes over to sniff the spot to make sure she didn’t leave anything behind. lol

    Isn’t it funny how they worm themselves right into our hearts?
    You know Jan…quite often I like animals better than people. Once you allow them to be your friend…they are your friend to the end.

    Scooter is a cutie!

    Monicas last blog post..The 8th Grade Banquet

  7. When I saw the title of this post I immediately thought of my dog. Then when I clicked on it and saw the picture, I laughed out loud.

    We have a miniature dachshund who is clearly a little special up there. We like to refer to her as yard broken (the yard rarely gets tinkled in) but she is excused since she is a *miracle* now that she can walk again since her back surgery from being paralyzed (a disc ruptured).

    Love, love, love this post!

    Beths last blog post..You Can’t Please Everybody

  8. Ahhh. When I was growing up, I brought home all sorts of strays and made similar threats as your daughter. Thankfully my mom also had a soft heart. Scooter is adorable and I hope you get to enjoy each other for many, many years.

  9. Being a dog and a cat lover, still know how they can worm their way into our lives and become family members despite their eccentric habits. Yes, the puppy years can be painful and stressful but once they’re over, things usually change for the better. Having said that, I know sometimes they don’t change much, but by then, there’s no hope for the owner!
    Scooter is adorable; so glad you kept him.

    Janes last blog post..We Were in Business!

  10. forgot to mention an anecdote i heard once in a docutmentary; goes kinda like this…”dogs are the only mammalian species, that persuades another mammalian species to raise its young.”

    dont know how true that is, but i agree with it.

  11. I am a real dog person- But I don’t lose sight of the fact that they are “dogs”. That said, the ass draggin comment really made me smile. My dog does that too, with a smile on his little doggie person face. He doesn’t do the licking thing though, At least not while I am loooking!

  12. I’m here! I made it! Everything I do on the computer is an adventure! (goes to show you what my life is like!)
    Scooter is a cutie! I said I was never going to get dog when Winnie died..6 months later at Christmas Mele Kalikama Muka was given to me in a lovely shopping bag, big red bow on her. She is my morning light and evening star! Sleeps at my feet. I, like you, am watching the years tick by..and it frightens me. They say that our pets teach us how to lose. I guess I am just a slow learner..
    Thanks for dropping by. 🙂 It’s of the most boring blogs around but SMB is teaching me lots…but like I say..slow learner!
    I LOVE your blog!!

  13. Sorry… that’s Mele Kaliki Muka. Can’t spell her name so call her Mele. Good enough! Well..ok..I call her Mel. 🙂

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