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I Am the Kiss of Death

To the Dallas Cowboys.

My first marriage was riddled with many problems, not the least of which was my love of football.

The Ex, you see, is the “creative, sensitive” type, and loathes sports.  Particularly football.  So, I didn’t get to watch a lot of football during our 12-year marriage.  And since I didn’t get to watch football, the Cowboys were the best team in the league and won three Super Bowls in 4 years.

I missed it all.  Thank you, The Ex.

Oh, I’ve been around in the years since, and have watched those marvelous players go on to highly successful post-football careers – Troy Aikman is one of the most objective and enjoyable commentators in sports television.  Emmett Smith won Dancing with the Stars.  Dion Sanders managed to find the most hideous tailor on the planet.  But the team since?

They suck.

And I’m convinced it’s because I’ve been watching.  Honestly, it’s like a switch was thrown – Jan’s married and can’t watch, the Cowboys win.  Jan gets divorced and begins watching obsessively, the Cowboys lose.  You think I’m joking?  Okay – so explain the Cleveland Browns since I’ve moved to Ohio.

See what I mean?  Just my nearness is enough to ensure crappy coaching and fumble-fingered players.

Perhaps the interests of the NFC East would be better served if I became a die-hard New York Giants fan.  After all, my desire to see the New England Patriots have a perfect season last year is the only reason the Giants won the Super Bowl.





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