Lal-Appaloosa

AppaloosaDear Ed Harris:

We purchased and watched Appaloosa, the movie you co-wrote, directed and starred in, on DVD Friday night.

I would like my $12.99 and 2 hours back, please.

It had, well, YOU in it.  Viggo Mortensen.  Jeremy Irons.  Lance Henriksen.  It was based on a novel by Robert B. Parker.  It had the potential to be absolutely drool-worthy on so many levels I can’t even begin to go into them.  What is was, though, was a 2-dimensional piece of doo-doo that has been done before – and done to death, I might add – with Rene Zellweger as a Wild West nymphomaniac in school-marm’s clothing thrown in for…what?  Shits and giggles?

Do me a favor and go back to making movies like, I dunno, The Abyss?  At least it was mildly entertaining to watch Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio chew up the scenery and Michael Biehn go whacko…for nearly four hours (bless James Cameron’s self-indulgent little pea-pickin’ heart).

At any rate, Ed – hon, sweetie.  Please understand that I am quite sincere in my request that you never, ever, EVER make one of the Spenser novels into a movie.  ‘K?  Thanks.

Love,

Jan

9 thoughts on “Lal-Appaloosa”

  1. Gosh I hate it when I dole out money for a movie and it turns out to be a pot of doo doo…. Your’e right. We should get our money back for garbage products.

    Dis last blog post..The Keeper

  2. I almost rented that movie this past weekend but was going to in the near future. Mainly because I love Viggo Mortensen(looking at him). But, now I’m glad that I didn’t waste money or my time…thanks for letting me know!

    Loris last blog post..Interviewed by the Queen

  3. Renee Zellweger as a nympho, what’s not to like? 😉 Still, thank you for the warning.

    OH! I just got it: Lal-Appaloosa – Lollapalooza. Very nice! Hard to put one past ME I tell you, I’m sharp like a bowling ball!

    Irish Gumbos last blog post..Jacked Of All Trades

  4. hmmm…wasn’t this a Brando movie last time? And great horse and western fan that i am, i don’t think i liked it them either…too bad, it sounded like it would be an improvement this round, at least in the scenery department.

    thistles last blog post..Manic Monday #151

  5. ROFLMAO. I LOVED your review. I’ve felt like that before about movies. “A two-dimensional pile of doo-doo”?? Love it. OMG. You should write reviews for a living. Seriously. I laughed my hiney off reading that. And that’s no easy feat, considering my hiney is nothing to sneeze at. LOL

    Midlife Mamas last blog post..99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall . . .

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