There’s No Place Like Gnome

When we bought our house in 2005, we needed a large place – we had three kids at home and two who came to visit as frequently as I could manage. The living arrangements have changed (several times) over the last 9 years, what with adult children yo-yos, but the house has been a good one.  Especially since our bedroom is on the first floor and we rarely have to venture upstairs, something I avoid if at all possible.

I don’t even want to know what the bathroom up there looks like.

By the time it was just The Young One left at home, Beloved began to grouse that we should have bought a much smaller place, despite the fact that I frequently reminded him that at least two of the kids would have killed each other had they been forced into closer quarters, and that all that empty space upstairs, to say nothing of the basement, gave us plenty of room for them all to spread out when they do come to visit, such as when TYO graduated from high school.

These days, however, My Better Half has begun to change his tune and has decided that we should keep the house until we’re ready to retire, which is at least 15 years away.  It’s too convenient to our office, too close to Jolly and The G Man, only 40 minutes away from The Young One’s college campus and within reasonable driving distance to all of our farmers.

Of course, the fact that there are 9 vegetable gardens, and more coming this year, in the back yard might have something to do with his about-face.

Beloved has always been an avid gardener.  Our back yard in Texas was beautifully landscaped, and the first thing we did when we moved to Ohio was plant flowers.  It didn’t take us long to begin an herb garden and dig a couple of 8′ x 4′ plots in the back for a few tomato and pepper plants (those plots are now dedicated to our annual crops: rhubarb, asparagus and strawberries).  When we went local/sustainable and joined a CSA, he decided to see what we  could grow ourselves and before I knew it we had not one, but two, compost bins in the back yard, seeds sprouting in our living room, buckets of manure in our trunk, 5 raised beds (he built two more before the weather became bitterly cold this year) and complicated diagrams about what to plant, when to plant, and where to plant.

My husband is nothing if not thorough.

At any rate, at one point during this awful winter – what we now call a Cold, Gray Bucket of Suck – Beloved sighed over the fact there’s so much he wants to do but can’t, and idly mentioned, “We need a gnome.”

“A gnome?”

“Yeah, a garden gnome.  It’d be cute.”

Well, you don’t have to ask me twice – for his birthday in January, he received these from

Zombie Garden Gnomes

Click image to enlarge

Garden Statuary

Click image to enlarge

Apparently I’m nothing if not thorough, myself.

And a little twisted, too.

5 thoughts on “There’s No Place Like Gnome”

  1. By the way, rhubarb, asparagus and strawberries are perennials, not annuals. They come back every year. Let’s just hope the gnomes keep the disease, bugs and birds away perennially – or at least impressionable young neighbor children.

  2. Now, that we gave a yard I’ll be looking into the zombie gnomes. We are also talking a sweet little water feature.

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