Coming Out of the Closet

The other day, I was hunting around for a pair of sandals I have that would go perfectly with one of the new outfits I bought over Mother’s Day weekend, when I realized – dare I say it? – I own a LOT of shoes.

I love shoes, and it probably has a lot to do with the fact that my hands and feet are the only parts of me, except maybe my earlobes, that could be described as “small” or “dainty.” My feet, unlike my ass, look good in just about anything so I tend to indulge myself in that area.

Need proof?

My shoe rack

No, these are not the only shoes I own. Notice how they are neatly put away in the rack that hangs on the back of our closet door? They’re there because I don’t wear them anymore. HERE are the shoes I wear:

Shoes I wear

Now to be fair, one of the reasons they’re all tossed in a heap in there is because more than half of the floor of MY side of the closet is occupied with luggage. And why is our luggage laying on the bottom of our closet and not put away somewhere neatly, like the storage area in the basement? Because Beloved is in charge of the luggage, which is a semi-permanent fixture in his life. So why isn’t the luggage on HIS side of the closet? Because then his side of the closet wouldn’t look like this:

Beloved's Shoes

Note that there is some semblance of order to his side. Why? NO LUGGAGE. You might also take note of the fact that he has a lot of freakin’ shoes himself, for a guy. And take my word, there is not one cheap pair of shoes over there, and there are certainly no shoes from PayLess in this lineup. With the exception of my many pairs of Crocs, I do not own one pair of name-brand shoes, which is more (or less) than I can say for Beloved.

OH – and speaking of Crocs, looky at what I bought Tuesday:

Crocs Golf Shoes!

Guess what they are? No, not ugly (shut up, Darling Daughter). They are GOLF SHOES. PINK CROCS GOLF SHOES. I do believe I’ve died and gone to golf shoe heaven. (Yes, I play golf. Poorly.)

Darling Daughter would like me to allow her to state her case about the ugliness of my wonderful, comfortable Crocs by posting this picture we found on I Can Has Cheezburger yesterday:

Cat in Crocs

That’s what I get for raising them to think for themselves.

A Senior Moment

When I was posting the other day about my Crocs collection, I don’t know how I could have possibly forgotten about these:

Cowboys Crocs

I guess they slipped my mind because I’ve only owned them since December. And they don’t really go with any of my clothes except my Tony Romo jersey.

Tony Romo, the little hottie. I’d go on a rant about his choice of girlfriends, but I am simply not up to it.

The Ultimate First Sign of Spring

No, it’s not that the pussywillow tree right outside of the kitchen is about to explode with beautiful, fragrant blooms. No, it’s not that my daffodils are coming up. It’s because I wore these today:

Pink Crocs!!

Yes! I was able to wear a pair of my beloved Crocs today!! I love these things. My daughter says they’re the most hideous shoes she’s ever laid eyes on (that’s what I get for raising a snobbish fashionista), but I adore them. They are comfortable, durable and WASHABLE. And, by golly, they come in such a dazzling array of absolutely eye-watering colors that if they won’t coordinate or compliment your wardrobe, they’ll certainly make your feet stand out.

I have four pair of the Crocs Beach model, pictured above. Fuschia, Lavender, Kelly Green and Celery (funny, I could have sworn they were hot pink, purple, bright green and light green, but what do I know – I’m just some middle-aged woman with a penchant for shoes). So you can imagine my utter delight – and my husband’s resignation – when they began making all sorts of shoes…and how my Crocs collection has grown.

Crocs PatraI own a pair of the Patra…

Crocs Cleo…and my absolute favorite so far, the Cleo…

Crocs Mammoth…and even a pair of these, the Mammoth (okay, so I wore Crocs all winter, too, but it’s just not the same).

Then today, browsing their site, I saw THESE:

Crocs AdaraThe Adara! They are cute, cute, cute!

That sound you hear is my husband groaning while he tries to hide my credit cards.