This week’s Spin Cycle is “comedy.”
And I’m drawing a huge blank.
I used to write quite a bit about about my family and the funny things my kids said (even when they’re adults, kids can be funny) until it got to the point where I decided it would be better if I dropped the personal stuff. This blog was evolving into a full-blown food blog, anyway, especially with the change in our diet, but sometimes I miss having a personal blog. (No, don’t even suggest I start one, or Beloved may very well hunt you down and strangle you.) I rather enjoyed posting the “sagas” over the last two weeks; it was like visiting an old friend you hadn’t seen for awhile. It made me want to write more personal posts more often.
So I will. After all, I have a life beyond my kitchen. Believe it or not.
At any rate, all of my kids have a wicked sense of humor. Oldest Son’s is razor sharp, a gift from his biological father. Darling Daughter’s is more like mine; she often slays us with her droll and often hysterical observations of life. The Young One has a very quirky sense of humor, much like his father. Get the three of them together and, when they’re not being snippy with each other (as siblings are wont to be), and it’s like living through Amateur Night at a comedy club.
I’ve documented some of the truly funny thing’s they’ve said over the last 4 1/2 years (yeah, I’m ancient in blogger terms), and decided to rerun some of my favorites.
Excerpt of a conversation between Oldest Son and myself:
Oldest Son: So, what are y’all doing today?
Me: Not much. We may watch a movie later.
Oldest Son: Oh, yeah? What movie?
Me: I dunno. Beloved said something about Paint Your Wagon.
Oldest Son: Paint Your Wagon? Never heard of it.
Me: It’s a musical. From the 60s.
Oldest Son: Anyone in it I’ve heard of?
Me: Yeah; Lee Marvin and Clint Eastwood.
Oldest Son: A musical.
Oldest Son: With Clint Eastwood.
Oldest Son: With singing and dancing.
Me: Well, it’s been awhile since I’ve watched it, so I can’t say for sure that Clint is dancing, but he does sing.
(Yet more silence)
Oldest Son (scowling and squinting): So, you wanna ask yourself: Can you hit “high C”? Well, can you…Punk?
Yes, it took me awhile to compose myself, too.
Excerpt of an instant message conversation between Darling Daughter and myself***:
Me: Hey – did you know [Name Redacted] has a baby girl now?
Darling Daughter: He does?!!?
Darling Daughter: Oh, that’s exciting!
Me: yup, born sometime last year. And you will never guess what they named her.
Darling Daughter: What?
Me: You’re gonna hurl…
Darling Daughter: Bella!?!
Darling Daughter: *EXORCIST VOMIT EVERYWHERE*
Darling Daughter: WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF
Darling Daughter: In the next couple of years there are going to be 2 billion baby Bellas
Darling Daughter: That’s so disturbing!
Me: ROFL – yes it is
Darling Daughter: I’m gonna name my baby “Illiterate”
Darling Daughter: We’ll call her “Illi!”
At which point I became incapable of speech, I was laughing so hard.
***It should be noted here that [Name Redacted] did NOT name his daughter after the character from Twilight, although I did not know that at the time (sorry about that, [Name Redacted]; I should have known better). However, Darling Daughter was quite correct: Jacob has been the most popular name for baby boys for the last 10 years, and Isabella has been in the top 10 – it has been one of the top 3 names for baby girls for the last 5 years. *shakes head* I guess “Edward” is too dorky, no matter how much you sparkle…
The Young One has been the most difficult, not because he’s not funny but because he’s said so many funny things. Here’s one of my favorites from 2010.
A little background information: our favorite waiter at our favorite restaurant happens to share the same first name as Beloved (imagine that – a waiter named Beloved). For the purpose of this post, we’ll refer to the waiter as Be. Now, Be The Waiter loves us – we’re fun, naturally, we love food, of course, and then again – we tip well. A couple of weekends ago we had an excuse to go to our favorite restaurant two nights in a row, the second night with The Young One and Miss J, who was visiting from Texas.
There were all sorts of indulgences that night, in the way of an upside-down banana rum cake that I shared with Miss J, and just a smidgen too much Hendricks gin for Beloved, who became quite, er, jolly.
How jolly you ask? Well, when the dinner was over and the check paid, Be The Waiter came up to me and gave me a big hug and kiss on the cheek, like he usually does. This night, Beloved felt he should get a hug and a kiss instead of a handshake and said so. Be The Waiter may have been a tiny bit startled, but not being one to offend a customer that consistently tips 20%, gave Beloved a warm hug and peck on the cheek (and, if I might add, probably enjoyed it, if you get my drift. Nudge, nudge, say no more…).
I drove us home, teasing Beloved about being amorous with the wait staff at the restaurant. The kids were in the back seat, rolling their eyes at us as usual, so Beloved turned around and asked, “I didn’t embarrass y’all, did I?” (Are you kidding? He was banking on it.)
“What? Never!” exclaimed The Young One. “We’re always up for a little Be on Be action.”
At which point I nearly ran us off the road from laughing so hard.
For more humorous posts, head on over to Second Blooming, one of the best – and most amusing – Mommy Blogs out there.